Last April I wrote about a new form of adoption corruption that involved orphanages approaching rural residents promising their children better educations if they allowed them to attend "orphanage schools." Once in the orphanage, the children are submitted for international adoption as older, "aging out" children, desperately in need of Western adoptive families. While these children's birth families sometimes are deceived into relinquishing custody of their children to the orphanage, we are now learning that some orphanages are charging birth families to have their children participate in this program, with everyone well aware of what is going on -- everyone except the adoptive families.
Since April, I have been approached by other families who have recounted their own stories, including learning that some of the children being adopted by unknowing families were the children of the orphanage directors themselves, all under the guise of the "special focus" programs promoted by WACAP, CCAI and other agencies.
A few of the impacted families have started speaking up, fighting to bring awareness and change to their agencies and the Chinese government, including the CCCWA itself. Below is a recounting of one such attempt made by two adoptive mothers last month. Their story illustrates the complexity of this situation, and how adoptive families are left to deal with the issues that follow. If you are a family impacted by this problem, please feel free to contact me if you would like to tell your story (anonymously or otherwise), or if you would like to be put into contact with other families dealing with these issues.
What follows was sent to me by an adoptive mother of one of China's "aging out children."
______________________
I have been trying to wrap my brain
around all that has happened in the past few weeks. How to write it all
out, what to say. How to say it.
The moment when it all became clear.
The words were said: "Do not spend time looking to your past, but only
look to the future and the opportunity you have in America."
These were the words of the deputy
director general of the CCCWA, the highest government official in China
adoption. She was touring the U.S., along with several other high
officials in China adoption as well as the CEO of the National Council
for Adoption in the U.S. One particular official traveling with her was
the new director of the Luoyang orphanage.
They would make several stops on their
tour, greeting agencies and families. A tour that would land them in a
meeting on the West Coast with a large adoption agency within driving
distance of my town.
I would never, ever have another
opportunity to have these officials all in one room. I knew I had to
go, in hopes of my chance to confront them and ask for answers
surrounding issues in the adoptions of healthy older children and speak
out for truth.
The meeting consisted of a small panel
of Chinese adoptees who came home at different ages and were now in
their teens-adulthood. They talked of their experiences here. Several
of them spoke of their desire to know more about their history, to know
more about their birth family and/or medical history. The highest
official in adoption listened to them. But instead of validating their
feelings of wanting to know their histories, she told them they
shouldn't worry about that, but only look toward their future and their
opportunities in America, all the while remembering their motherland.
My friend and I looked at each other and
said "it all makes sense now." Not only are we not on the same page
with the Chinese adoption officials about adoption, we are not even reading the same book. For
Americans adoption is often, if not always, a desire for relationship -- a parent/child relationship forever, based on truth and love.
Attachment. Hugs and kisses. Sharing the journey. However, all the way
across the ocean is a group of officials who are not promoting adoption
out of a desire for children to have a family, they are promoting
adoption for opportunity and are completely clueless to the damage it can
do to deny the past of a child. Sure, a family is part of the deal, but
it is not seen in the same way as we see it. For me, family is about
relationship regardless of opportunity. A poor family is still a
family. If our house burns down and all we have left is each other,
that will be enough because we are a family.
(I know, of course, that I'm not speaking for ALL adoptive families. I am aware
that some families may be completely fine with adopting a kid solely to
give them a better opportunity and perfectly content with it being all
about that. I'm just speaking on my general observations. And of course,
we all desire opportunity for our kids. You know what I mean, I hope.)
Children who were adopted at a younger
age become more westernized having grown up in a relational society
here. Their history mostly exists here in America, with only a small
piece missing--their birth family. They have a healthy desire to have
the puzzle all put together. Their life story, each step of the way. We
see this in our younger kids who want all the answers, who like hearing
about when they were a baby or the funny things they said when they
were young.
Teen adoption from China is a different
story. And now it all makes sense. "Don't look back." "Look only toward
the future." Opportunity. Those teens who looked into the camera during
the "Journey of Hope" Luoyang program and said "I just want a mom and dad,
I want a family," were saying what they had been coached to say. Told
to hide the past. To never tell the truth. This would provide them
opportunity. One more step in where they wanted to go, where the director
wanted them to go.
Some children will do just fine in this
situation. They will even discover how much they actually DO desire
relationships and soak it up. They will embrace their new life---and
never look back. However, I don't think they can do this forever. If
they open up with the truth, I believe they can do very well providing
they have embraced relationships here AND told the truth about their
history--which when adopted as a teen "I don't remember" is not a real
answer. Trust me, they remember.
However, there is one problem with
this, regardless of how the child is doing. The adoption took place
under fraud. Lies were told, children were threatened, birth families
were given empty promises. Sure, the poverty may have been great in
some cases, and it would seem the children would be better off here.
However when it is all hidden, and no one wants to talk about it; when
children are told to never ever tell and the old director is still
communicating with children and telling them to be quiet, the problem
remains. It's all a scam! "Like a cult," is the best description I've
heard. Social welfare directors might seem gracious and cooperative at face
value, but this in no way means that he or she is not involved in
corruption.
It's all WRONG.
And so it went. After the delegation
finished their talking, we (my friend flew half way across the country
to also speak to this group about her case) approached the officials.
We presented them with documents from a few families who wanted to
stand up for the truth. My very sweet friend translated for us. We told
them our stories. We asked for an investigation. We spoke to the
current director of the Luoyang orphanage, the deputy general of the CCCWA and the CEO of
National Council for Adoption. They all listened with compassion and
concern.
Now before anyone panics, please know
that NONE of us desire to see the end of adoption. We all love
adoption. We love our children. However, we cannot hide the truth out
of fear. Not for one second did any of us feel like what we were doing
would cause harm. As a matter of fact, for the first time we felt like
the truth would be heard and positive change might be made. The top
official of the CCCWA looked me in the eye, shook my hand and said, "I'm
sorry". They promised to look into things. In the letters that were
presented to the officials there were several requests made, all were
similar from all families. I'll include a small portion of my letter
here:
"We ask for a formal apology from all
who participated in the deception and threatening of our children and
those who participated in aiding them to do so.
"We ask for assurance that our children
and their families in China as well as the U.S. will be held harmless
as a result of the confessions of their true history and that our
children will be given the opportunity and welcomed to return to
China for a visit with their families if they so desire.
"Our family believes in adoption and is
grateful to have our children from China. However, the circumstances
surrounding our two Luoyang adoptions have been heartbreaking and
painful to our entire family. Our desire is that no other family or
child should suffer because of an adoption under false paperwork, and
that the integrity of the program would be held to the highest
standards to ensure truthfulness and transparency in the children's
history before adoption. We would like to see changes within the
China program to allow children to stay with their biological
families and get the education and training needed to stay with their
relatives. We would be fully supportive in implementing programs like
these. We would also support the adoption age changing to age 18 so
children are not forced to lie about their age."
As a believer in Jesus, I can tell you
that not for a second did we doubt that we were in the right place. We
felt God's leading every.single.step of the way. No fear. Only peace.
Perhaps changes will be made to ensure
the China program is run ethically and clean. A program that is
transparent. This would be ideal. Perhaps nothing will be done. One
thing I am sure of is that I have done what I could and after a very
long time of questioning, it gives me peace that we are exactly where we
should be.
I'm not sure what the next step is in
this journey, but one thing I do strongly believe is that Christians need
to take a stand for truth. No one wants to talk about the corruption
out of fear that it may damage the program. I truly believe this is
wrong. Children should not be used in adoption, orphans should not be
created to fill up numbers in a program. Birth families should have a
voice and not be condemned because they don't meet financial social
standards. A poor family is still a family. Sometimes we are so
focused on "caring for the orphan," we don't realize we are actually
contributing to the corruption.
But when I look around, I see it still happening. Take this example:
When he was just six years old, Connor's father died and his mother
left him with his aunt. Later he was sent to the orphanage when his
aunt could no longer care for him. Connor's Asian name means “he grows
up like the hardy white poplar which grows in the north”.
Now 13, Connor is a handsome, healthy boy. When he was younger his
caretakers described him as “big eyes bright--he is sunshine, beautiful,
and cute boy”. He studies at the local school where he is an excellent
student who loves learning. Connor is popular with his caregivers,
teachers and classmates. He has a reputation for being helpful to others
with chores and caring for younger children. His report says he’s
polite and does everything carefully including making his bed, cleaning
his room, and making sure he looks nice. He likes playing basketball,
drawing and reading books.
Yet, no one says "by the way, it's possible none of this is true and it will be more of an exchange student situation!" It's
possible this kid is being used and told to lie forever, enter a new
life here and never look back---all the while keeping his connection to
home through internet while unsuspecting parents think it's so cute that
they have so many friends back in China.
The problem--we don't know. Maybe it IS true that they are orphaned, maybe it really is exactly as it says on paper.
However,
knowing what I do now.....seeing orphanage directors send their own
kids here, foster families that turn out to be birth parents, family
photos (of child and birth family) taken just one week before an adoptive
family arrives to get their "orphaned" child, having Civil Affairs Officers
willing to take money to enter teens into the "boarding school,"
children promised educations at Harvard, shall I go on?
Knowing
all of this, I cannot advocate for the adoption of these children. I
don't think agencies should either. Unless they have thoroughly
investigated. But even then, it's impossible to know. There has to be
some sort of crackdown as a result of the numerous false adoptions that
already took place.
Agencies need to take a stand and stop
promoting adoption of children whose paperwork is questionable. They
need to hold officials accountable. They should be held accountable.
When they see red flags, they need to investigate and put things on
hold---and we (those of us in the process) need to step back and not be
so emotionally attached to a photo that we are willing to look the other
way in order to fill our own need.
This is a complicated matter as there
are so many aspects to it. Who defines an orphan? When kids come here
that technically don't "need" to--it means other children are left
behind. What about them? Who defines the "need" in the first place?
Was someone robbed of their chance at a family because someone else took
advantage of the opportunity? Have officials now taken the last bit of
hope from the true orphan and created a program of opportunity for the
elite underprivileged, as well as the already well off? How do you
reconcile all this in your mind? That is the question. And it's all
complicated.
Here are some red-flags that you should be aware of if you are considering adopting an older child, or have already adopted one:
* If you adopted an older, healthy child, especially a boy from an orphanage that has participated in international adoptions for a long time
* If
your child is wanting to be on QQ all the time and has numerous
contacts on there. They may be talking to family
* If your child (adopted at an older age, say 10 and up) has been in the orphanage system only a short time
* If
you adopted a teen child and s/he is not growing in height---this is a big
indicator that they are older. Teen boys---age 13,14...GROW!
16,17,18....not so much.
* If you know other children from the
orphanage with the same sort of story: parents died, relatives old and
ailing. Especially if those kids are adopted in clusters.
What to do if this is your story:
* TALK
to your child. Tell them you have heard about other kids who were
adopted and they were actually older and/or their parents weren't really
dead and you'd like to know their REAL story. Assure them they don't
have to be afraid and you want to help them. Tell them it's ok if they
are talking to their family on QQ, you just want to know the truth.
* If
you suspect your adopted teen is older, ask them their "sign". Chinese
kids know their "sign", this will tell you their birth year.
* Always
reassure them that you understand and love them no matter what. If your
child sticks to the story on the paperwork, revisit it several months
down the road so your child always knows you are open and willing to
listen to the truth at any time. While it might be easier, never
assume the paperwork is really true.
Truth. Stand for the truth. If you
have experienced something similar---speak out about it. Encourage your
kids to speak the truth. Do not hide out of fear. The truth will bring
about change. Please join the cause.
These problems are not limited to
Luoyang; it's happening all over China. Orphanage director's are
sending their own children and relatives here under the disguise of an
orphan. If you brought home a teen--particularly a teen with no special
needs--ask them more questions. Tell them they don't have to be
afraid.
Take a stand for ALL the children.
Take a stand for ALL the families.
Take a stand for TRUTH!
_________________
After I posted this essay yesterday, another family with Luoyang children e-mailed me the following recounting of their story.
We
are victims of the "Journey of Hope" child laundering scam. After almost
two years of being in our family, our two Luoyang "boys" told us they
are much older (almost 20 instead of 15, and almost 19 instead of 17).
They were too old to leave China as orphans and they were too old to
enter the USA as adopted children. Worse, they confessed that they are
not orphans.
They claim that their families are not even poor. They
would have been "okay" in China. We asked why they helped to deceive
us. "I just wanted to come to the U.S. I know I don't belong here.
The paperwork is all lies." The other "son" is running away from a
challenging situation at home. We have shared everything with our
agency. They claim to care, but two days before the Chinese delegation
visited the agency, I asked the agency to put our letter detailing our
situation into the hands of the Chinese officials. I also told the
agency that our Luoyang young men were ready to tell the agency how the
fraud and deception were carried out against the agency and against
adoptive parents. Didn't our agency want this information BEFORE the
delegation arrived, so that the agency would know more before discussing
the Luoyang "inconsistencies" and "discrepancies" with the Chinese
delegation?
There was no response from the agency. So, the courageous
women who put letters into the hands of the Chinese adoption officials
also delivered our letter.
My husband and I refuse to live a lie. This is a clear case of
child laundering, and we are going to do our best to report it, expose
it, and fight it. I imagine there are some Chinese families that now
regret making the decision to give their children to the "Journey of Hope"
scheme. We hope "adoptees" can be reunited with their families. Our
one "son" recently pulled out pictures of his "real" family, pictures he
has kept hidden since coming home with us in 2010. It was a strange
moment to hear about his "real family." This is the boy who looked into
the agency camera, as he was being videotaped for the "Journey of Hope"
program, and said he just wanted "a family of his own." It was a
performance that made my husband almost cry. It made my husband decide
we should pursue the "Journey of Hope" adoption. Now we know our "poor,
traumatized, disadvantaged orphan boy" HAS a family of his own. All his
aunts and his uncle came to say good-bye the week before we arrived in
China to "adopt" him.
Now I know why he has yet to learn how to spell his new mother's
name -- my name. I am not his mother. Never will be. His real mother is
alive and living outside Luoyang. I am just the stupid overweight
American female who is feeding, educating, doctoring, clothing,
entertaining, etc. him. The facts about the second "son" is just as
depressing. Neither "son" is afraid of former Director Pei. Neither is
afraid that something will happen to his family if the truth is told.
Well, as far as we are concerned the game is over. Our agency tries to
convince us that the "boys" are better off with us. It was suggested
twice that we contact another Christian family that is in our same
position (2 older non-orphan boys), a family that has decided to keep
the truth hidden, because they think their "sons" are better off with
them! I don't think that is a judgment call any deceived family has a
right to make. Laws were broken. Visa fraud was committed. I don't
want to talk to a Christian family that has decided to sweep the truth
under the rug. My Bible tells me we need to be "above reproach."
The second agency strategy to deter us from pursuing the
truth: Aren't we concerned about, gasp, deportation? Aren't we
concerned about, gasp, retribution against the birth families? No. We
are concerned about the other three TRUE children in our family who have
been cheated and hurt by this wretched deception. Our children are
watching to see what we do with this terrible crime. We are concerned
about the other honest, loving American families about to buy the lie.
The fear tactics don't work here.
Well, third strategy -- Don't we understand that there is no foster
care system in China? "Boys" like ours are "at risk," even if they are
not orphans. Both of our Luoyang young men were attending school,
living with family, eating well, growing up fine. The assumption that
the "Journey of Hope" "kids" are needy needs to be seriously questioned.
In our case, both "kids" and their families were driven by GREED, not
need. The tens of thousands of dollars we spent for the pleasure of
being manipulated and deceived could have gone a LONG, LONG way to
helping scores of "at risk" kids, really at risk kids. Besides the
shock and grief of finding out we have been completely defrauded, we
mourn the fact that two REAL orphans did not get adopted by our family.
But we know God is in control. He did not cause this, but he
permitted it to happen to our family. SO THAT WE COULD FIGHT THIS ABUSE
of children, Chinese families, and American families.
We refuse to live the lie. We will not perjure ourselves and we
will not encourage these young men in our care to perjure
themselves. This is a hideous mockery of adoption. We are pursuing the
truth. I wish the families that have decided to accept the lie would
change their minds.
