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From the moment I realized that I was adopted and that the parents I grew up with were not my birth parents, I have always wondered who my biological parents were. However, there had never been a possibility to find them and after many years, I kind of stopped thinking about finding them. I just kept hoping that they were healthy and that there would come an option soon.
That possibility came along a few months ago. One of my mother’s colleagues told me that I should take a DNA test. Her adopted daughter took such a test too, but didn’t find a match, but she said that it is fun to do anyway. So, I followed her advice and did the test. The ancestry report showed that I am 99% Chinese (not really a shocker though). Then I looked at the family tree and I saw that there was a woman that matched my DNA for 50%. When I looked closer, it said that that person should be my biological mother and I was like: “No, that is impossible”. But then I was thinking about it, and a 50% match could only mean a relationship with with one of your parents. So, after a few days of thinking I sent her a message. After a couple of days, I still hadn’t received an answer, so my hopes faded a little again.
But I was a bit too impatient, because after a week or so, I received a message from Brian, a man who cofounded an organization that helps Chinese adoptees find their biological parents and vice versa. After a few times mailing back and forth, I discovered that my biological parents have been in touch with Lan, Brian’s wife and cofounder of the organization, since 2016. After a few days chatting with her, she asked me if I would like to be in a group chat with my biological family. I was immediately like: “Yes, of course I want that, I can’t wait to chat with them.” So, she put me in the group chat with my biological father and older sister. My sister sent a few pictures of their family in China and I sent a few pictures of mine in the Netherlands. It was really weird looking at the pictures, because it was like I was looking in a mirror. My sister and I have been chatting for a few hours to try and get to know each other. Unfortunately, we had to stop due to the time difference between China and Europe. While chatting, I discovered that I have an older and a younger sister, a younger brother, a mother, a father and a grandmother in China. After a few days, I received a message from my birth father too. He probably needed to figure out how to chat with me, since I chat in English and they text in Chinese. The first thing he said was that he was really sorry for giving me away and that I must hate him, which really touched me. I had no idea that he would feel so much guilt. Therefore, I told him that I don’t hate him, because he must have had a good explanation why he gave me away. Moreover, I am just happy to know that my family in China is still alive, healthy and happy. After some time talking, I discovered the reason why I was the only one that was adopted. Just after I was born, I became ill and my parents didn’t have enough money to bring me to a doctor. The only option for them was to send me away to a welfare institute close to their hometown and hoping that I would be adopted by a loving family that could give me the help I needed.
Talking to my biological family in China has always felt to be impossible, but I was wrong, it is possible. For me, it is the best thing that has happened in my life so far. I had the rare luck to find a match immediately and to be able to get in touch with my birth family. Not everyone is as lucky as me and there are still people trying to find their biological family. By writing about my experiences, I hope to inspire other people to do a DNA test and bring families back together. Of course, giving away your DNA could bring some risks, but just knowing that there are people out there that really care about you and love you let me take that risk.
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