tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post113866287032938022..comments2024-03-10T15:13:47.148-07:00Comments on Research-China.Org: A Response to Parade MagazineResearch-China.Orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09137919637778021754noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-29571297367303594872008-11-23T14:29:00.000-08:002008-11-23T14:29:00.000-08:00Well researched, Brian. You are doing good work. ...Well researched, Brian. You are doing good work. You should be proud.rxbabehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17870017105637498894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1148060504302881072006-05-19T10:41:00.000-07:002006-05-19T10:41:00.000-07:00I am a born-again Christian and after having four ...I am a born-again Christian and after having four bio children, felt God was leading us in this direction for our family. God does not see our adopted daughter as just "chinese" nor does he view my bio daugther as just "american" ~~He sees them both as precious children of God, His wonderful creation. When we chose China, we researched and tried to guess where the children who dont get adopted end up when they have to leave the SWI. I guarantee that the children that spend their childhood in orphanges in the US have it alot better then the children in china's SWI's. That made our choice a simple one. Thanks for you and your wife's hard work in this research.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1144105334838367342006-04-03T16:02:00.000-07:002006-04-03T16:02:00.000-07:00Henry Winkler is not an adoptive parent, by the wa...Henry Winkler is not an adoptive parent, by the way, nor was he adopted himself, according to his bio on the Internet Movie Database:<BR/><BR/>http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001857/bio<BR/><BR/>How do I know that his 3 kids were not adopted? Because the IMDB doesn't say so. Like other celebrity media, they consistently point out a celebrity child's adoptive status and leave us to assume that children not so described are biological by default. I complained about this bias to the IMDB moderators and got a big yawn in response.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1140448498158354812006-02-20T07:14:00.000-08:002006-02-20T07:14:00.000-08:00Is this a new trend in Hollywood? I pray that it'...Is this a new trend in Hollywood? I pray that it's NOT. I don't know much about Meg Ryan, but Angelina Jolie is one of the most disgusting creatures on the earth, and I pity the child that is raised by her. With multiple divorce and re-marriage, not to mention a life constantly on the go, and often filled with drug and alcohol abuse, I am hard-pressed to think of a worse environment for raising children.<BR/><BR/>If they want to adopt, fine ... it's still better than life in an orphanage (or worse). But to think adoption by Hollywood celebrities made my adoption suddenly "fashionable" is most repulsive. Let's not glorify these people becuase they maybe did one good thing for a child a some point in their otherwise screwed up lives.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1140364948977732742006-02-19T08:02:00.000-08:002006-02-19T08:02:00.000-08:00As if you could actually adopt children domestical...As if you could actually adopt children domestically!! We were looking specifically to get a toddler boy, any race, any set of special needs. You would think they would be clammering to find people like us! But the state told us that they could place a child with us in a few days, but that it could be years or never before we could actually adopt the child. I don't have the emotional fortitude for that. So we went back to China so that we knew that the child would actually be ours.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1139862247889637332006-02-13T12:24:00.000-08:002006-02-13T12:24:00.000-08:00MammaRodda --thanks for these comments. I think it...MammaRodda --<BR/><BR/>thanks for these comments. I think it is important to put right out in the open that many of us who've gone to Asia and other places probably had some element of racism involved in our decision not to pursue a domestic AA adoption. In the mid 90s when we first explored adoption, the local agencies were really strongly discouraging white parents from adopting AA kids -- and we let ourselves be dissuaded, though I think if we'd tried harder, we might have prevailed.<BR/><BR/>I think it's important to be honest about our own probable racial issues --particularly the error of thinking that Asian kids just aren't going to have "race" issues living in a white family the way black kids would. It's an easy-to-make error, but still an error -- and one that I admit that I probably made. This makes me a lot less likely to get up on the high horse about domestic vs. international. I don't want to be guilty of patting myself on the back for making a choice that also accorded well with my own comfort level, rather than challenging myself to take the more difficult path. <BR/><BR/>All that said, Brian, I appreciated your essay and find your blog "must reading" on all kinds of subjects.<BR/><BR/>Julie H, mom to a light gold kid from China and a dark gold kid from ThailandAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1139169435677350602006-02-05T11:57:00.000-08:002006-02-05T11:57:00.000-08:00MommaRodda,Thanks for sharing your story. I think ...MommaRodda,<BR/>Thanks for sharing your story. I think that many white parents are cautious about adopting AA children since the Black Social Workers made that report in the 70's, and the aftermath (AA children were only placed in same race homes.) Many of us who adopt from China tend to be a bit older (Ahem) and remember this report and the controversery around it. This, coupled with our country's long history of racism, (particulary towards AA's) has made many too uncomfortable with parenting an AA child. (Some will disagree with me and that's okay.)<BR/><BR/>That said, it is troubling how many adoptive parents think Asian is White, or downplay race.<BR/><BR/>Anyways, you hit the nail on the head when you said that adoption is a very personal choice and no one knows the outcome-- how each child will process their unique narrative.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1139152479479022142006-02-05T07:14:00.000-08:002006-02-05T07:14:00.000-08:00Hello,What a sensitive issue adoption can be! It ...Hello,<BR/>What a sensitive issue adoption can be! It is indeed a matter of heart. <BR/>My husband and I are foster/adoptive parents and in the process of adopting our fourth child out of the system. I would like to share a couple of thoughts that may not have been considered.<BR/>In our case, we did not become foster parents to adopt but are thankful beyond words that it led to the forever family of the beautiful boys that I have.<BR/>I agree that no one should be criticized for such a personal choice as to where they are to adopt their "own" child. However, I am also concerned that many people never consider domeistic adoption as an viable alternative to add to their family.<BR/>I was surprised as I read your post and posted comments to get the overall feeling that when you adopt in the U.S. you are adopting a child that "looks" like you. On the contrary, by in large the children in this country that are waiting to be adopted are not caucasian. Our own four boys are AA. We deal with the same transracial issues that a parent who adopts from China does...except perhaps worse in my opinion. Please understand, we live in the deep south.<BR/>I was concerned at the descriptions of what made a child "a good find", a certain age, without certain baggage. Indeed, it is wise for parents to be aware of their own limits and what challenges may lay ahead. But what guarantees come when birthing a child that you will get an "idea" specimen.<BR/>One of our sons came to us as a premie 5lb 2 week old baby, we were able to adopt him at 2-1/2. One came to us at 2 months old, we adopted him at 4-1/2. One came to us at 2 days old and we are now in the process of adopting. One came to us at 8 years old and is our only older child adoption. I will not attempt to hide the fact that this relationship has taken extra "elbow grease" but he is worth it.<BR/>How can we love a child with he risk of losing that child? Isn't that what every parent does whether by birth or adoptoin. Children do not come with guarantees. Yes, the adoptions were long in coming, however not once termination had occurred, then it was a quick, inexpensive process. Please note we have not adopted all of the foster children in our home, we have had 41 children in the last decade.<BR/>In summary, I think that where a person adopts from in a personal issue. I think that often people do not consider domestice adoption because they don't have all the correct information. I think that sadly AA children are just not as appealing to those looking to adopt. <BR/>My boys are beautiful and valuable-not "broken", "damaged", "used", etc.. By the way, they are Rodda boys, you may want to take a mental note, I'm expecting great things from them, to change the world around them for the better.<BR/>God bless each of you along the blessed journey of adoption.<BR/>MommaRoddaAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13441809988487585009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138998988879729272006-02-03T12:36:00.001-08:002006-02-03T12:36:00.001-08:00Above should have said "said", not sad.Above should have said "said", not sad.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138998977815737402006-02-03T12:36:00.000-08:002006-02-03T12:36:00.000-08:00Above should have said "said", not sad.Above should have said "said", not sad.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138998899703557202006-02-03T12:34:00.000-08:002006-02-03T12:34:00.000-08:00I hope you sent this into Parade as a response. I ...I hope you sent this into Parade as a response. I worked for 3 years in the foster care system and it's true that children usually fall into 3 catagories: older, sibling groups (tend to be large) and special needs. Parenting children in these catagories is not for everyone. The same could be sad for parenting a transracial child.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138992584957342222006-02-03T10:49:00.000-08:002006-02-03T10:49:00.000-08:00Brian,Thanks for this terrific post. I heartily a...Brian,<BR/><BR/>Thanks for this terrific post. I heartily agree! I found the Parade article offensive in the extreme, and I am grateful to you for writing such a cogent and well-supported response. <BR/><BR/>I hope you will send a copy of it to Parade magazine, maybe with a citation to the source where you got your statistics on the U.S. foster care system.<BR/><BR/>Thanks again for your post.<BR/><BR/>ElizabethAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138893551394218932006-02-02T07:19:00.000-08:002006-02-02T07:19:00.000-08:00I very much appreciate your response Brian. I was ...I very much appreciate your response Brian. I was only asked why I didn't adopt from my own country once, but my response was, "I don't understand why you'd ask that question. Do you think that children here are somehow more deserving of families than children in China?" To me, that's what it comes down to-- a child is a child and children need families. Where they were born has absolutely nothing to do it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138820758296180682006-02-01T11:05:00.000-08:002006-02-01T11:05:00.000-08:00Oh my, Brian, well said! As a waiting China family...Oh my, Brian, well said! As a waiting China family, we applaud your efforts! You have perfectly summed up EVERYTHING I have felt and felt like saying (to those who frequently question our efforts)! Thank you! Waiting for Claire, The Christner's, Oregon (I hope your comments are published in Parade and elsewhere!)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138812119474531442006-02-01T08:41:00.000-08:002006-02-01T08:41:00.000-08:00Bravo, Brian!Bravo, Brian!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138769097564073592006-01-31T20:44:00.000-08:002006-01-31T20:44:00.000-08:00I looked at the stats again, and I don't see it th...I looked at the stats again, and I don't see it the way you explain it. Those 119,000 kids have not necessarily had parental rights terminated--for some of them, adoption is the goal, but not yet a legal possibility. <BR/><BR/>And I don't think you were down on Henry Winkler--neither am I. I just think it is a myth that there are so many kids in this country who are available for adoption. And when you get down the number of healthy infants, it's even less.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138767250753310522006-01-31T20:14:00.000-08:002006-01-31T20:14:00.000-08:00The 68,000 is the total number for whom parental r...The 68,000 is the total number for whom parental rights were terminated in FY 2003. The 119,000 is the total number for whom rights were terminated, which includes the 68,000 from 2003 and others from previous years.<BR/><BR/>I applaud Henry Winkler and anyone that encourages families to adopt. I hope no one understood my blog essay as being critical of Mr. Winkler in any way.Research-China.Orghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09137919637778021754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138766210452101252006-01-31T19:56:00.000-08:002006-01-31T19:56:00.000-08:00Good research--however, I think the number of chil...Good research--however, I think the number of children available for adoption may be even less than 119,000. The research you cited says that only 68,000 children had all parental rights terminated--and that is the key to being available for adoption. <BR/><BR/>I get asked a lot about why we didn't adopt domestically when there are some many kids in this country who need a good home. My response is always, "Well actually there aren't as many as you think."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138756135685449022006-01-31T17:08:00.000-08:002006-01-31T17:08:00.000-08:00For some time now, I have been irritated by the qu...For some time now, I have been irritated by the questions and answers in Walter Scott's column in Parade magazine. He NEVER fails to point out that a child is the "adopted child" of a certain celebrity. And he mentioned that Brad and Angelina will soon have a child of "their own." Seems to me that Brad has already taken Angelina's children as "his own" by adopting them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138744567461422872006-01-31T13:56:00.000-08:002006-01-31T13:56:00.000-08:00Hi Brian,I echo the comments of many others - THAN...Hi Brian,<BR/>I echo the comments of many others - <B>THANK YOU</B> for everything you do for China adoption. <BR/><BR/>Selfishly, we wanted to build our family, and we wanted to do it in the way that had the most guarantee of a healthy, undamaged child. I say selfishly, because we weren't out to "rescue" a child - we were intent on obtaining a new member of our family. Since childbirth is no longer an option, adoption it was.<BR/><BR/>When telling people about our upcoming adoption, we invariably receive comments about how generous, kind or giving we are. I've even had several people say "how noble!" <BR/><BR/>HOW NOBLE?<BR/><BR/>That bothers me greatly...how will my daughter feel when she constantly hears how her parents are seen as <I>noble</I> for adopting her? Probably like a lesser member of our family...<BR/><BR/>So, my answer to Parade and to all the other people who mistake adoption as "child rescue" rather than a method to build a family is:<BR/><BR/>"No, we adopted our daughter because we wanted a daughter, and China's adoption program is the most efficient, fair and cost-effective way to add to our family. Our daughter was not rescued - we searched for and found her because we wanted HER, not out of charity or kindness, but because we wanted to add to our family." <BR/><BR/>We were not willing to pay the monetary and emotional price of adopting through the US system. Does this sound callous? Maybe...to those who only see adoption as a means to place unwanted children. To the rest of us who know that adoption is created our FAMILY, it's not callous, it's real. <BR/><BR/>I do not care if people think we're selfish...I will ALWAYS answer people's inquiries in a way that makes my daughter feel like a full, cherished member of our family, and not like someone who was "rescued" from a place where no one wanted her.<BR/><BR/>Our adopted children need to know, and need to know that others know, that they aren't members of our families just because we felt sorry for them.<BR/><BR/>"Why didn't you adopt from America? We have lots of needy kids here!"<BR/><BR/>OR<BR/><BR/>"Didn't you want your own?"<BR/><BR/>Our standard response to these questions needs to be one that teaches our child how we see thier adoption. Don't give an answer that is defensive or tries to convince the asker that what you did is the right thing...instead answer in a way that sends a message to YOUR CHILD. <BR/><BR/>Alyssa Ericksen<BR/>(now climbing down off my soapbox)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138742945528726532006-01-31T13:29:00.000-08:002006-01-31T13:29:00.000-08:00I have to say that I just don't understand this wh...I have to say that I just don't understand this whole, "Why didn't you adopt from the u.s. thing". I am as patriotic as the next person, but when it comes to children you have to ask yourself, "Did this child make a choice as to where they were born?". A child is a child. Born into this crazy world. I have two biological children and could have plenty more if I chose, but I felt a connection to the children in China's orphanages. Why? I don't know. Call it destiny, I guess. I just felt a connection and the two that we have adopted from China couldn't be a more perfect fit in our family if we tried. Would a child from U.S. foster care be just as perfect of a fit? Perhaps. Would a child from Guatemala fit perfectly? Perhaps. I could have been born in China or Guatemala. Let us please just look at these families who have adopted children from foreign countries and just say, "Don't they make a beautiful family" and leave it at that. Does Henry Winkler think it is easy to face questions like, "Mommy, why don't I look like you?" and "Were you born in China too, Mommy?" and "Why does everyone ask how much I cost?". These questions and issues aren't any different than those posed to a mother(or father) that adopted from a foster program except that a lot of the time you aren't crossing cultures or races in a domestic adoption. All I have to say about my two beautiful daughters is that they were meant to be mine for whatever reason and for that I am thankful. BetsyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138733030457698222006-01-31T10:43:00.000-08:002006-01-31T10:43:00.000-08:00Hi Brian,I'm glad you addressed the Parade Magazin...Hi Brian,<BR/>I'm glad you addressed the Parade Magazine issue. I was offended at the response as well. I have been asked the same question in the past. I hope that Parade runs your response. It would help diffuse alot of ignorance out there involving adoption. My feeling is that people need to do what they are most comfortable with in adoption, whether it be an international adoption, domestic adoption, open adoption, closed adoption, etc. The Parade response that it has become fashionable to adopt internationally hurts.<BR/>Thank you,<BR/>Ginny BurkhartAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138730263847788072006-01-31T09:57:00.000-08:002006-01-31T09:57:00.000-08:00Well said, Brian. What gives anyone a right to cri...Well said, Brian. What gives anyone a right to criticize how a parent decides to form his or her family?<BR/><BR/>Our two daughters are from China and though we don't get the "why not from the U.S." questions often, we do get asked when we are going to try to "have one of our own".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138729867335161742006-01-31T09:51:00.000-08:002006-01-31T09:51:00.000-08:00Well written and backed up with facts, not like th...Well written and backed up with facts, not like the tabloid that wrote about landing in China, the WalMart of adoption and having people flinging babies and fortune cookies at you. Thank youAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636692.post-1138726186676232072006-01-31T08:49:00.000-08:002006-01-31T08:49:00.000-08:00Thank you for bringing this article up. I am alway...Thank you for bringing this article up. I am always irritated when adopting a child is called "fashionable", as if it is a trend like toy pups and shoes. <BR/><BR/>I think that one of the main reason celebrities adopt from foreign countries, like you said, is because of exploitation. <BR/><BR/>My personal reasons for choosing China include avoiding the pain of relinquishment and wanting to adopt a younger child. As a first time parent, I do not feel prepared to deal with some of the issues of the children in the foster care system...not yet anyways. <BR/><BR/>Although some may argue that my child may also have issues, I feel more prepared to handle those with a younger child who I do not have to fear giving up. Besides, it is my choice, whose business is it to question what I do with my life.<BR/><BR/>GenAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13441809988487585009noreply@blogger.com